Quick recap: promoted to Volunteer Fire Captain with the Clark County FD Rural Division; achieved Fire Instructor I; have a photo project for one of the Chiefs; working and trying to relax all at the same time...oh, and trying to keep up with the Vegas Golden Knights.
Some photos can be seen and or purchased at my page and I try to keep it up to date, so keep checking it about every other month.
Welcome to my fucking life. Single, but my heart is taken; loner; hermit; got a daughter, but I have more of a daughter from a friend's daughter; misunderstood; people think when I speak there's something between the lines - not; I have a hard time expressing myself be it verbal or written; I keep things to myself instead of voicing them; I rather hold my feelings inside instead of making them known afraid it would be taken the wrong way, which in turn it leaves me wondering what if...; they say I'm weird; I unintentionally deceive people so they don't get close; I read too much into something; over think things; expect the worst; very very few people I trust; family is number one (this includes those I call family); my imagination takes the better part of me; I can't sleep at times and when I do, I still don't sleep the brain stays overly active; I see things most don't; I don't trust anyone (except my extreme short list); in my opinion after I'm dead I'll be surprise if after a month anyone would remember me; I'm afraid of relationships and yet when I think I want to give it a try I talk myself out of it; I don't like changes especially once the rules are set; I'm afraid that if I speak my mind & voice how I truly feel I get ignored or shoved to the side until I leave...guess I'll be this way my entire life; probably one reason I feel like an outcast; therefore, I hide behind the camera(s) & in the rural areas. Yes, I love someone, but I'll keep my thoughts and feeling to myself & let my actions to show it - which gets me in trouble because it's misunderstood and I rather just walk away then try to explain and myself. You figure with all the rejections I have received in my life time I'll be immune to rejections...naw it still cuts deep.
It's unbelievable that I have been volunteering for the Clark County Fire Department (Las Vegas, Nevada) as a Fire Photographer for about 4 years, as Firefighter in the Rural Division for about 3 years, and as an instructor for the Nevada Division of Wildlife since 1997. I would have never thought that my life would have led me to such excitement by moving to Nevada in 1992, during all this time, I had volunteered for the Bureau of Land Management (1993-1997), driven a tour bus, trash truck, 18-wheelers, served arrest warrants, process service, been a bouncer, been a laborer, driven fork lifts, been part of the motion picture industries, done security (well still do), worked at casinos, and out of all the things I've done here in Vegas...the fire service has been most fun. Even though there is training at least once a month, if not more, the online studies that has to be done can be overwhelming, I would not trade it for nothing! I have friends and love ones that sometimes worry about me because it seems I never stop or sleep, but life is good!
Yes...like most folks out there, I believe it's normal to think about it, just some just give in and don't look at the big picture; suicide has crossed my mind several times (no given time frame), but I sit back and think (or over think) at where I've came from, what I'm doing, and the ones that love me in their own little ways being friends or relatives or adopted relatives...I can't see myself putting them through the suffering and for some having that feeling of blaming themselves for "not helping", "not seeing the warning signs", etc., if it was not for God opening my heart, showing me what I have, and the ability to look back to what I have become and the love that flows through all of them (friends and relatives)....I think I would not be typing this right now. To all of you that know me personally...thank you and I love y'all; to those that have stolen my heart, yes more than one person, but especially one very, very, very, close (and I'm scared of LOL), y'all have my heart unconditional!