Welcome to my fucking life. Single, but my heart is taken; loner; hermit; got a daughter, but I have more of a daughter from a friend's daughter; misunderstood; people think when I speak there's something between the lines - not; I have a hard time expressing myself be it verbal or written; I keep things to myself instead of voicing them; I rather hold my feelings inside instead of making them known afraid it would be taken the wrong way, which in turn it leaves me wondering what if...; they say I'm weird; I unintentionally deceive people so they don't get close; I read too much into something; over think things; expect the worst; very very few people I trust; family is number one (this includes those I call family); my imagination takes the better part of me; I can't sleep at times and when I do, I still don't sleep the brain stays overly active; I see things most don't; I don't trust anyone (except my extreme short list); in my opinion after I'm dead I'll be surprise if after a month anyone would remember me; I'm afraid of relationships and yet when I think I want to give it a try I talk myself out of it; I don't like changes especially once the rules are set; I'm afraid that if I speak my mind & voice how I truly feel I get ignored or shoved to the side until I leave...guess I'll be this way my entire life; probably one reason I feel like an outcast; therefore, I hide behind the camera(s) & in the rural areas. Yes, I love someone, but I'll keep my thoughts and feeling to myself & let my actions to show it - which gets me in trouble because it's misunderstood and I rather just walk away then try to explain and myself. You figure with all the rejections I have received in my life time I'll be immune to rejections...naw it still cuts deep.
FYI - just because... I know I don't have to, but I am.
Recently, sometime between 2100 hours on 2016 December 5th (Monday) and 1000 hours on December 6th (Tuesday), I had discovered that one of my cameras is MIA. Short and to the point, photos that were taken on the 5th and prior are no longer in my possession, I did not have a chance upload to my computer the photos that were taken on 2016 December 5th and those that were already on the SD card I only have them on my computer and/or on my webpage (http://www.photographybytmckinnon.com)
The Clark County Fire Department Rural Division every year at the end host an appreciation banquet for it's active and inactive members. The CCFD had thirteen rural fire stations manned by volunteers in the communities where they are located; however, in 2014 they decided to try something new by inviting people from outside of the community to join, the pilot program kicked off April of 2014, and it has grown since then. CCFD now has fourteen rural fire stations being manned by volunteers both from the communities these stations are located and by the Non-Resident Volunteers. The NRV lives in metropolitan area and volunteer their time, gas, etc., to travel to the rural areas to help out at the stations they are assigned and or go to other stations in the rural areas to help out; I'm proud to say that I am one of the first from the pilot program in 2014 and enjoying it very much, besides being the Department's photographer (2013 to present), here is a video composed by the Rural Division, and yes some of my photos are in the video and they do give credit to the photographers that help supply the images for this video.
It's unbelievable that I have been volunteering for the Clark County Fire Department (Las Vegas, Nevada) as a Fire Photographer for about 4 years, as Firefighter in the Rural Division for about 3 years, and as an instructor for the Nevada Division of Wildlife since 1997. I would have never thought that my life would have led me to such excitement by moving to Nevada in 1992, during all this time, I had volunteered for the Bureau of Land Management (1993-1997), driven a tour bus, trash truck, 18-wheelers, served arrest warrants, process service, been a bouncer, been a laborer, driven fork lifts, been part of the motion picture industries, done security (well still do), worked at casinos, and out of all the things I've done here in Vegas...the fire service has been most fun. Even though there is training at least once a month, if not more, the online studies that has to be done can be overwhelming, I would not trade it for nothing! I have friends and love ones that sometimes worry about me because it seems I never stop or sleep, but life is good!
Yes...like most folks out there, I believe it's normal to think about it, just some just give in and don't look at the big picture; suicide has crossed my mind several times (no given time frame), but I sit back and think (or over think) at where I've came from, what I'm doing, and the ones that love me in their own little ways being friends or relatives or adopted relatives...I can't see myself putting them through the suffering and for some having that feeling of blaming themselves for "not helping", "not seeing the warning signs", etc., if it was not for God opening my heart, showing me what I have, and the ability to look back to what I have become and the love that flows through all of them (friends and relatives)....I think I would not be typing this right now. To all of you that know me personally...thank you and I love y'all; to those that have stolen my heart, yes more than one person, but especially one very, very, very, close (and I'm scared of LOL), y'all have my heart unconditional!
A letter to the Chief from a station.... [The names have been altered to protect the innocent.]
"ALERT.....ALERT.....ALERT All Hands On Deck!!!
While working on our computer system a couple of days ago, Mario Williams, (VFF and computer whiz), needed to gain access into the ceiling to provide proper cable for us to have Internet capabilities. In so doing he needed to remove several ceiling panels discovering that our entire ceiling is covered in Rat and Mouse poop. In several areas as much as several inches thick. I can assure you that in all the years I have been a member of VFD, never once have I had the occasion to look in the ceiling, so the discovery does not surprise me, although quite interesting. I suppose we could do nothing, however, Just knowing that every time we enter the Office area, just over head lurks a pile of Rat shit that, at any moment, could come tumbling down upon us causing any number of infectious diseases and disastrous circumstances, (Lions and Tigers and Bears, Oh MY!!) Perhaps we should have the HazMat Team come take a look. I, for one, will take Mario's word and not go looking. What do you think????
See ya, Luv Ya, Bye Bye.
On 2015 May 30th another class has graduated from Clark County FD Rural Division training, joining the ranks to serve their communities. Congratulations to ELFF 15-1!
More photos can be seen at http://www.photographybytmckinnon.com located in the Fireground Photography Galleries.