Welcome To My Fucking Life

Welcome to my fucking life. Single, but my heart is taken; loner; hermit; got a daughter, but I have more of a daughter from a friend's daughter; misunderstood; people think when I speak there's something between the lines - not; I have a hard time expressing myself be it verbal or written; I keep things to myself instead of voicing them; I rather hold my feelings inside instead of making them known afraid it would be taken the wrong way, which in turn it leaves me wondering what if...; they say I'm weird; I unintentionally deceive people so they don't get close; I read too much into something; over think things; expect the worst; very very few people I trust; family is number one (this includes those I call family); my imagination takes the better part of me; I can't sleep at times and when I do, I still don't sleep the brain stays overly active; I see things most don't; I don't trust anyone (except my extreme short list); in my opinion after I'm dead I'll be surprise if after a month anyone would remember me; I'm afraid of relationships and yet when I think I want to give it a try I talk myself out of it; I don't like changes especially once the rules are set; I'm afraid that if I speak my mind & voice how I truly feel I get ignored or shoved to the side until I leave...guess I'll be this way my entire life; probably one reason I feel like an outcast; therefore, I hide behind the camera(s) & in the rural areas.  Yes, I love someone, but I'll keep my thoughts and feeling to myself & let my actions to show it - which gets me in trouble because it's misunderstood and I rather just walk away then try to explain and myself.  You figure with all the rejections I have received in my life time I'll be immune to rejections...naw it still cuts deep.